Do You Want It, or Do You Want to Be Seen Having It?
Soulful Smiles 03
﷽
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Assalāmu alaykum (Peace be upon you) my beloved. I pray you are well and in the best state of mind, body and heart.
A while back, I was listening to a podcast called Conversations with Candice and I can't remember which episode, when the host, Candice Brathwaite, asked a question. I was at work when I heard it, and I immediately grabbed a sticky note to write it down. The question was:
"Do you want it? Or do you want people to know you have it?"
This question has stayed with me since, resurfacing every time I feel the pull of desire for something, no matter what it is. I've wanted to sit down and journal about it, to truly investigate the motivation behind my own dreams, aspirations, and the things I've wanted in the past or want now. I still haven't, maybe because part of me already knows what truths this inquiry will dig up, and I'm not sure I'm ready to face them yet.
As an eldest daughter, I've always felt like there wasn't room for me to make mistakes, to be mediocre, or to be "useless" (I use that word loosely). Being useful was tied to my self-worth and to being loved. By virtue of being the eldest, I was expected to be responsible, to know everything, to figure it out, to be reachable, and to have answers ready whenever anyone needed them. And strength was a badge of honor I had to wear, because there was never room for me to break down, or a cushion to catch me when I fell.
All of this has played a role in the decisions I've made, the aspirations I've had, and the things I've wanted in life. I often ask myself: would I have made different decisions about my life if I'd followed what I truly wanted instead of what was expected of me? More often than not, I think I would have.
So when I think about this question: did I want it, or did I want people to know I had it? For me, it comes back to the aspirations I've had and the life choices I've made. These were expectations placed on me as an eldest daughter, ones that earned praise from people once they saw I'd achieved or accomplished what eldest daughters were "supposed" to. Time spent not filling up my CV felt like time wasted, so for a long time, that's exactly what I occupied myself with and it led to severe burnout, among other consequences I'm still recovering from.
Moving away from personal reflection and speaking more generally, I think social media has made more of us want things, material things especially simply because they're trending, they're a status symbol, or because someone online said this is what's "in" now and everyone jumped on the bandwagon. We're constantly exposed to the lives of strangers, and just as constantly comparing our own lives to theirs.
Even deeper than the materialism of it all is the fact that we're now less likely to form our own opinions, thoughts, and understanding around any topic. Whatever is the "cool" or "chic" thing or thought to have at the moment is what we all jump on. And I say we, because I don't exclude myself from falling into this sometimes.
And beyond material things and shaping our thoughts, people are now building their entire lives or pretending to live certain lifestyles because the goal is for others to know they have it, not because they truly desire it for themselves. Take, for example, the recent cases of (1) the woman who built an entire platform pretending to be a PA student at a prestigious university, or (2) the man who built a platform cosplaying as an NFL football player, allegedly scamming 26 women out of $1.3 million.
It feels especially poignant now to ask ourselves this question often: "do you want it, or do you want people to know you have it?" For me, this question highlights why intention is such an important aspect of the Islamic tradition. The Prophet ﷺ taught that "actions are judged by their intentions, and each person will have what they intended" [Hadith 1, 40 Hadith An-Nawawi].
This hadith is key to understanding the balance between our internal and external states. It emphasizes the importance of having a clear intention and purpose behind every action. Intentions lead to actions, and actions lead to results. So as Muslims, as believers, we're taught to constantly check our intentions, to renew them and purify them because when an intention changes, the resulting action changes too.
I've developed a habit of renewing my intentions often, and coming across this question through that podcast has added another layer of introspection for me. The du'a I'm making today is:
O Allah, You're Al-Quddus, The Most Pure. Purify my heart and cleanse my faith such that it is devoid of doubts, those that blemish it. O You who is free of imperfections, cleanse my intentions, my actions, my prayers, and fill me with sincerity in offering them. Allow my striving for this dunya and for the akhira to be solely for Your sake and not for the sake of Your creation. Grant me contentment and goodness in this world and in the hereafter.
And so, if you've made it to the end of today's edition of Soulful Smiles, and you have your own aspirations, desires, and wants, I want to leave you with this very question: do you want it, or do you want people to know you have it? What is your intention? I pray that at the end of this introspection, you're left with an answer that feels authentic to you, to your beliefs, and to your joy in life. Amin ya Rabb. And as always,
With a Smile,
Ibtisam
The Smiling Soul
